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Politcialy Incorrect Humor - Dumb Blonde
Jokes, making fun of Clinton and other things.
Glad you stopped by. To any blondes who may be
offended by my Dumb Blonde Jokes Section: Get over
it! The majority of the dumbe blonde jokes came
from blondes! Besides, I'm a blonde too.
And for anyone who fail to see my humor in
politics and fun at former President Bill Clinton,
well, this is still a free country. And while the
Main Stream Press is doing its best to take away
our constitutional right to own guns, at least they
are still defending freedom of speech. Or at least
the speech they agree with.
I have added several pages of new jokes,
including one about nurses, and have a ton more to
add.
I have a stack of jokes about a 2 feet high (no
kidding) and will have a better idea what to add
after I weed out the bad ones and categorize the
rest.
I appreciate all contributions. I find that 95%
of the ones sent in to me I already have. Don't let
that stop anyone from sending in theirs. I read
them all and put the good ones in my "To Add At A
Future Date" file and the exceptional one I add
right away.
This Blonde Joke website was my very first
attempt at creating a website, and while I have
upgraded it several times, I spend the majority of
my time writing and promoting other websites (the
ones that make me money). I still enjoy a good
joke, though, and enjoy sharing them with others,
so I eventually come back and do some work on this,
my first and favorite, website.
John Eberhard
Webmaster
Hartfelt.net
Ubetit.com
- Cannibals
- Daffnitions: The Joke
Factory Dictionary
- Best of Rodney
Dangerfield
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A man gets captured by cannibals and
every day they poke him with spears and
use his blood to wash down their food.
Finally the guy calls the chief over and
says, "You can kill me or you can eat me,
but I'm tired of getting stuck for
drinks."
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Two cannibals were sitting by a fire.
The first says, "Gee, I hate my
mother-in-law.
The 2nd replies, "So, try the
potatoes"
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The first cannibal asked the 2nd
cannibal, "Aren't you done eating yet?
The 2nd cannibal replied, "I'm on my
last leg now."
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What did the cannibal get when he was
late for dinner?
A. The cold shoulder.
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When do cannibals leave the table?
A. When everyone's eaten.
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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One
says to the other,
"Does this taste funny to you?"
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Did you hear about the cannibal who was
expelled from school for buttering up his
teacher?
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One cannibal to another. "Boy your wife
sure makes a delicious stew!"
The other replies "Yeh, she really
does, but I'm sure gonna miss her."
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Daffynitions
- Aaaack (aak) interj
- An utterance upon running
directly into a spider web first
thing in the morning - and you don't
know where the spider is now.
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- Acute (A-cute)
n
- The opposite of ugly
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- Aftermath (af-ter-maath)
n
- The period following
algebra
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- Airhead (er-hed)
n
- What a woman intentionally
becomes when pulled over by a
policeman.
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- Alimony (Al-a-money)
n
- Play now, pay later
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- Bar-be-que (bar-bi-q)
n
- You bought groceries, washed
lettuce, chopped tomatoes, diced
onions, marinated meat and cleaned
everything up, but he "made
dinner."
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- Baseball Bat (bas-bol
bat) n
- An anti-burglar device.
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- Children (chil-dren)
n
- What men become when they get
the flu.
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- Computer (kom-pew-ter)
n
- The one thing in a woman's life
that does exactly what she tells it
to.
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- Dog (dawg) n
- A creature who hears a burglar,
barks once, then hides in the
closet.
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- Eternity (e-ter-ni-tee)
n
- The last two minutes of a
football game.
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- Four Food Groups (for
food groups) n
- Chocolate, wine coolers, potato
chips and ice cream.
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- Grocery List (grow-ser-ee
list) n
- What you spend half-an-hour
writing, then forget to take with
you t to the store.
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- Home (hom) n
- A dwelling that ideally has the
same number of bathrooms as
people.
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- Idunno (i-dun-no)
n
- The person who broke your
favorite vase.
-
- Jeans (jeenz)
n
- (1) Blue: Casual wear
- (2) Black: Formal wear
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- Kiss (kis) n
- A small token of affection,
usually chocolate.
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- Lipstick (lip-stick)
n
- (1) On your lips, coloring to
enhance the beauty of your
mouth.
- (2) On his collar, coloring only
a tramp would wear.
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- Men's Sale (minz sal)
n
- It's OK to get one on sale, just
make sure the store has a good
return policy.
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- New Age (noo aj)
n
- The age a woman gives instead of
her real age.
-
- Opinion (o-pin-yen)
n
- Advice you get whether you ask
for it or not.
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- Park (park) v,
n
- (1) Before children, a verb
meaning "to go somewhere and
neck."
- (2) After children, a noun
meaning a place with a swing and
slide.
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- Pizza (peet-za)
n
- An excellent breakfast
food.
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- Pregnancy (pre-nan-see)
n
- You gain 30 lbs of water weight,
but he says "we're pregnant."
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- Romance Novel
(ro-mans-nov-el) n
- A completely believable story in
which an arrogant, boorish, rude,
cold-hearted cad by day turns into a
sensitive, caring, thoughtful,
passionate lover by night.
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- Screwdriver
(skrew-dri-ver) n
- A hardware tool designed to be
turned around and used as a
hammer.
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- Significant Other
(sig-nif-i-kant uth-er)
n
- A husband, fiance, live-in
boyfriend, or someone you've
introduced to your parents.
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- Stretch Marks (strech
marcs) n
- Badges of honor.
-
- Teddy Bear (ted-ee bare)
n
- A companion who gives you a hug
whenever you want, never snores,
doesn't bother you when you're
talking on the phone and doesn't eat
the last chocolate chip cookie.
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- Valentine's Day
(val-en-tinez dae) n
- A day when you have dreams of a
candelight dinner, diamonds and
romance, but consider yourself lucky
to get a card.
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- Weight Lifting (wate
lif-ting) n
- What every woman does when she
carries her baby, purse and two bags
of groceries.
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- Yippee (yip-ee)
interj
- What a woman thinks when a man
says he'll call--then does.
-
- Zillion (zil-yen)
n
- The number of times you ask
someone to take out the trash, then
end up doing it yourself anyway
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That Sound Dirty
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- Harass
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Flashed
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Don't
Stop Now
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- Every morning
a lion wakes knowing it must outrun the
slowest gazelle or or it will starve to
death
- Moral:
It doesn't matter whether you are a
lion or a gazelle, when the sun comes
up, you'd better be running!
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Best of Rodney
Dangerfield
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A girl phoned me the other day and said
.... Come on over, there's nobody home. I
went over. Nobody was home.
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If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have
no sex life at all
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And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't
born a boy.... I'd have nothing to play
with.
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During sex my girlfriend always wants
to talk to me. Just the other night she
called me from a hotel.
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Its been a rough day. I got up this
morning , put on a shirt and a button fell
off. I picked up my briefcase and the
handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the
bathroom.
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When I played in the sandbox the cat
kept covering me up.
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One day as I came home early from work
..... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to
the guy "Hey buddy, why are you doing
that?" He said "Because you came home
early."
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I could tell that my parents hated me.
My bath toys were a toaster and a
radio.
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My mother never breast fed me. She told
me that she only liked me as a friend.
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My father carries around the picture of
the kid who came with his wallet.
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When I was born, the doctor came out to
the waiting room and said to my father
"I'm very sorry. We did everything we
could, but he pulled through."
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My mother had morning sickness -- after
I was born
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and
they sent a piece of my finger to my
father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Once when I was lost I saw a policeman
and asked him to help me find my parents.
I said to him "Do you think we'll ever
find them?" He said "I don't know kid,
there are only so many place they can
hide.
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My wife made me join a bridge club. I
jump off next Tuesday.
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I worked in a pet shop and people kept
asking how big I'd get.
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I went to see my doctor. I said
"Doctor, every morning when I get up and
look in the mirror I feel like throwing
up. What's wrong with me?" He said "I
don't know but your eyesight is perfect.
"
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I went to the doctor because I'd
swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My
doctor told me to have a few drinks and
get some rest.
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