WSOP 2006!!!

 Bill Clinton, Sex and Monica


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Answers To All Your Questions About Our Prez

Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office?

A: Don't hit your head on the desk.

Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President's day?

A: All pants half off.

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and the Buffalo Bills have in common?

A: They both blew the big one several times.

Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government?

A: The Executive Branch.

Q: What's the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?

A: To get some dick in the White House, we just voted.

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?

A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the white house,the other is a chocolate lab.

Q: What's the difference between Watergate and Zippergate?

A: This time we know who deep throat is.

Q: What's the recipe for Clinton stew?

A: A small weenie in hot water.

Q: What do Monica and Alaska have in common?

A: The Ididarod.

Q: What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection?

A: "Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door."

Q: Do you know why Bill Clinton doesn't use bookmarks?

A: Because he likes to bend pages.

Q: What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?

A: A screwdriver turns in screws, and Clinton screws interns

Q: What will history remember Bill Clinton as?

A: The President after Bush......

Q: What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?

A: Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Clinton doesn't know the difference.

Q: What do Bill Clinton and Disney have in common?

A: Disney has a movie called the Lion King, while Bill Clinton is the Lying' King."

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Bill Visits Africa

African Roulette

During one of President Clinton's trips abroad, he was entertained by the newly elected African Premier.

They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette."

Bill Clinton frowned. "Russian roulette's not a very nice game."

The African Premier smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. "I'll show you how."

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told the Bill.

Of course, Bill could hardly contain himself. He said "That's great, but it doesn't seem much like Russian roulette."

"Oh, but it is. You see, one of them is a cannibal!"

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It's A Small World

1. Kevin Bacon starred in "The River Wild" with Meryl Streep

2. Streep appeared in "Postcards from the Edge" with Dennis Quaid

3. Quiad appeared in "Dreamscape" with Eddie Albert

4. Albert was in "Yes, Giorgio" which starred Lucianno Pavarotti

5. Pavorotti was one of the subjects of the book "The Private Lives of the Three Tenors," by Marcia Lewis, who is the mother of...

6. Monica Lewinsky!

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Bill's Dream

Bill Clinton has a dream in which he meets George Washington. He says "George, tell me what I can do to make things better for the people?"

George Washington says "Lower the taxes." Clinton says "I can do that"

The next night he again dreams but this time Thomas Jefferson is there. "Thomas Jefferson," Clinton says. "Tell me what I can do to make things better for the people?"

Jefferson says "Lower the taxes." Clinton says, I can do that."

The next night he again dreams, but this time Abraham Lincoln is there. "Abraham Lincoln. " Clinton says. "what can I do to make things better for the people?"

Lincoln says. "Go to the theater."

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Top 10 White House Jobs

From the January 26 Late Show with David Letterman,
the "Top Ten White House Jobs That Sound Dirty."
Copyright 1998 by Worldwide Pants, Inc.

 

10. Polishing the Presidential podium

9. Unwrapping the Big Mac

8. Taking Buddy for a walk

7. Handling the Hotline

6. Vacuuming under the Oval Office desk

5. Waxing Air Force One

4. Shaking hands with the French ambassador

3. Giving the President an oral briefing

2. Taking dictation

1. Polling

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