Joke Factory Home Index Directory Politics Made Funny Bill Clinton Bill On Safe Sex Bill, Monica & Sex Harass Someone Ideal Use of Duct Tape Vote AGAIN HERE Why the President Should Resign .... "Yes, the president should resign. He has lied to the American people, time and time again, and betrayed their trust. He is no longer an effective leader. Since he has admitted guilt, there is no reason to put the American people through an impeachment. He will serve absolutely no purpose in finishing out his term; the only possible solution is for the president to save some dignity and resign." Bill Clinton regarding Richard Nixon, 1974 Tales From the Secret Service Bill Clinton steps off of Air Force One carrying two pigs. One of his Secret Service men says, "Those are really nice pigs Sir." Bill says, "These are not just any ordinary pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorback Pigs. I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The Secret Service man says, "Nice trade, Sir!" Our Lawmakers at Work Massachusetts: It is illegal to wear a goatee without a license. North Andover prohibits its citizens from carrying "space guns." Indiana: Monkey's are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend. Illinois: In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the Opera. According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American." In Joliet, it is illegal to mispronounce the name Joliet CLINTON SPEAK: (from the Tonight Show ) What Clinton says and What he really means 1. I was not lying. I was standing up and she was lying. I wasn't adultery. She wasn't even an adult. I did not have oral sex with her. She was having it with me. It is time to get on with the nations' business. If this isn't off the front page by tomorrow, I'm bombing Iraq.

Bill on Sex Q What is Bill's idea of safe sex? A When Hillary is out of town. If Bill Clinton, along with two other former presidents, were on the Titanic as it is about to sink. Mr. Reagan would say, "Save the Women!" Mr. Gore would probably say, "Screw the women!" Bill most definitely would say, "Do we have Time?!" Did you hear that Hillary Clinton hired a new intern for Bill. It's true. Her name is Lorena Bobbit.s. If Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat and Newt Gingrinch was nearby in a two man life raft, which one would he save! Neither. He would save the nation. What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton? Washington couldn't tell a lie Nixon wouldn't tell the truth Clinton doesn't know the difference. White House Crisis Watch It was reported on Sunday morning that Clinton's Chief of Staff, Erskin Bowls, approached the president with some news. "Mr. President," he began, "I am afraid I have some bad news, good news and some bad news for you." "Give it to me in order," requested the President. "The bad news is that a picket demanding your impeachment is in front of the White House," said Erskin. "What is the good news?" asked the president. "Well," said Erskin cautiously, "there is only one so far." "That not too bad," said the president, "what could be so bad about that?" "Its Gore holding the sign." said Erskin. If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win? Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word. While Bill, Hillary and Chelsea were vacationing at Camp David the housekeeper was tasked with looking after their pet parrot. They hadn't been gone for more than a couple of days when the parrot was found dead in the bottom of it's cage. The housekeeper knew how angry Hillary would be at the loss of one of their family pets, so she set out to find a replacement bird and visited nearly every pet store in Washington. After nearly two days of looking nonstop, she came across an almost exact duplicate of the bird. As she purchased the parrot, the shop owner cautioned her that the bird had previously be owned by a Bordello that was recently shut down by the Vice Squad. The housekeeper replied that the other parrot couldn't talk anyway and that no one would ever know and she took the bird back to the White House. The morning after the Clinton's return to the White House, Chelsea walked through the room and the bird looked at her and said, "Too young." A little later Hillary came into the room and the bird eyed her too and said, "Too old." Late that afternoon the President entered the room and the bird looked him up and down and said, "HI, BILL!". Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is pretty pissed off. He storms into his security staff's HQ, and yells "Somebody wrote a death threat in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Son-of-a-bitch had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!" The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!" The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?" Clinton says "Oh Hell, give me the bad news first." The officer says "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Al Gore's urine." Clinton says "Oh my god, I feel so... so... betrayed! My own vice president! Damn. ...Well, what's the really bad news?" The officer replies "Well, it's Hillary's handwriting." top