Politics Made
Funny
Politics - From the Latin words poli meaning many and tics
(as in bloodsucking creatures)
Governments of
the World
COMMUNISM: You have
two cows. The government takes both
of them and gives you part of the
milk.
SOCIALISM: You have two
cows. The government takes one and
gives it to your neighbor.
FASCISM: You have two
cows. The government takes both cows
and sells you the milk.
NAZISM: You have two cows.
The government takes both of them
and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two
cows. The government takes both of
them, shoots one, milks the other,
then pours the milk down the
drain.
CAPITALISM: You have two
cows. You sell one of them and buy a
bull.
New Elements
Added to the Periodic
Table
BILLCLINTONBc
With a slick appearance and slimy
texture, this element
undergoes a series of interesting
changes when in hot water.
BUDWEISIUMPs
Has no taste or smell; is often
indistinguishable from water.
CABMIUMCb
Found in abundance, except when
needed. Exists in two states, motion
and at rest. When in motion, it
cannot be stopped, no matter what
you do. Cabmium has a charge
associated with it. The charge is
variable, and scientists have not
determined the formula for
calculating it.
POLITICIUMPo
Contains a great deal of gas.
Similar to radon in that it can
reach lethal concentrations in the
House.
CONGRESSCg
Atomic number 525. Can never be
found in a solution.
SON: Dad, I have to do a special
report for school ... can I ask you
a question?
FATHER: Sure son, what's the
question?
SON: What is politics?
FATHER: Well, let's take our
home for example ... I make the
money, so let's call me Government.
Your mother is the investor of the
money, so we'll call her management.
We take care of your needs, so let's
call you the people. We'll call the
maid the working class ... and your
baby brother we will call the future
... do you understand?
SON: I'm not really sure, dad
... I'll have to think about
it.
That night, awakened by his baby
brother's crying, the boy went to
see what was wrong. Discovering the
baby had seriously soiled his
diaper, the boy went to his parents'
room and found his mother sound
asleep. He then went to the maid's
room where, peeking through the key
hole, he saw his father in bed with
the maid. The boy's knocking went
totally unheard by his father and
the maid, so the boy returned to his
room and went back to bed.
The next morning:
SON: Dad, now I think I
understand politics.
FATHER: That's great son! Now
explain it to me in your own
words.
SON: Well dad, while GOVERNMENT
is screwing the WORKING CLASS,
MANAGEMENT is sound asleep, the
PEOPLE are being completely ignored
and the FUTURE is full of shit.
People who make "ugly faces" at
dogs may be fined and/or
jailed.
Ohio:
In Columbus, it is illegal for
stores to sell corn flakes on
Sunday.
In Oxford, it is illegal for a
woman to disrobe in front of a man's
picture.
In Youngstown, it is illegal to
run out of gas.
Oregon:
--The town of Hood River
prohibits the act of juggling
without a license.
Montana:
In Whitehall, it is illegal to
operate a vehicle with ice picks
attached to the wheels.
It is a felony for a wife to
open her husband's mail.
Florida:
Unmarried women who parachute on
Sunday's will be jailed.
Georgia:
In Quitman, it is illegal for a
chicken to cross the road.
In Columbus, it is illegal to
sit on one's porch in an indecent
position.
Pennsylvania:
"Any motorist who sights a team
of horses coming toward him must
pull well off the road, cover his
car with a blanket or canvas that
blends with the countryside, and let
the horses pass. If the horses
appear skittish, the motorist must
take his car apart piece by piece,
and hide it under the nearest
bushes."
Tennessee:
It is illegal to use a lasso to
catch a fish.
In Dyersburg, it is illegal for
a woman to call a man for a
date.
In Memphis, it is illegal for a
woman to drive by herself; "a man
must walk or run in front of the
vehicle, waving a red flag in order
to warn approaching pedestrians and
motorists."
