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by Coco Helado
Figuring out what to do on a
Saturday night is the easy bit. The hard part is
avoiding misunderstandings about what it is you're
really after. Whether it's everlasting love or
burning lust, you'll want to tailor your plans
accordingly. The following guidelines should help
you clearly and effectively convey your true
intentions.
ASKING HER OUT
IF IT'S LOVE
Call at least four days in advance, requesting the
pleasure of her company.
IF IT'S LUST
Call her at least 20 minutes in advance, and ask,
"Can I come over?"
DRESSING FOR THE
EVENING
IF IT'S LOVE
Maximize class factor. Channel Audrey Hepburn.
IF IT'S LUST
Maximize jiggle factor. Channel Pamela
Anderson.
EATING IN
IF IT'S LOVE
Cook most the meal yourself, but invite your
partner to join you for the finishing touches, to
give a sense of partnership. This meal should
convey the idea that loving domesticity can be a
feast for the senses. Choose a homey yet delicious
menu, such as roast chicken or rack of lamb.
Drizzle truffle oil over mashed potatoes,
transforming this ordinary dish into a veritable
bowl of luxuriousness.
IF IT'S LUST
Prepare appetizers before your guest arrives:
finger food, nothing fancy. Keep the lighting low.
The idea is that she may nibble, but YOU are the
main course.
EATING OUT
IF IT'S LOVE
Choose a restaurant based on romantic potential:
soft lighting, somewhat quiet ambiance, a menu
rooted in the Romance Languages: French, Spanish,
Italian.
IF IT'S LUST
Choose a restaurant where you can order over-rich
foods&emdash;oysters, foie gras, chocolate
mousse&emdash;that spoil quickly, implying that
this is a one-time opportunity, and there's no
chance of a repeat performance.
WHEN THE BILL ARRIVES
IF IT'S LOVE
Discreetly take it as soon as it arrives, and don't
allow her to see it. Decline her offer to split it
with you. After all, her company is payment
enough.
IF IT'S LUST
Look at the bill. Then look at her. Say, "So. Are
you coming over?"
GOING TO THE MOVIES
IF IT'S LOVE
Ask him if there's anything he'd like to see. After
all, how bad can Samurai Tomb Destroyer 4 really
be?
IF IT'S LUST
Choose something boring. Sit in the back row.
RENTING A VIDEO
IF IT'S LOVE
Go for a popular drama, comedy, or foreign
film.
IF IT'S LUST
Reach for the box labeled, "Terms of Endearment."
But make sure you've switched the video inside with
the adult title, "Terms of Endowment." Once you've
turned it on, feign surprise, then say, "Well, we
might as well watch this one."
GOING TO A PARTY
IF IT'S LOVE
Tell her she's the most beautiful woman in the
room. Then take her up on the roof or into the
garden to look at the stars. Kiss her on the
lips.
IF IT'S LUST
Tell her she's the hottest babe in the room. Then
take her into the bathroom. Kiss her everywhere but
the lips.
THROWING YOUR OWN
PARTY
IF IT'S LOVE
Proudly introduce him to everyone as "Michael, my
boyfriend." Don't invite ex-boyfriends unless
they're truly good friends with no ulterior
motives.
IF IT'S LUST
Just say, "This is Michael." Look uncomfortable.
Make sure you invited as many of your exes as you
could. If it doesn't work out with Michael, maybe
you'll get lucky with one of them.
CULTURAL EVENTS
IF IT'S LOVE
Surprise with box seats at the opera. Offer to buy
her the libretto.
IF IT'S LUST
Surprise her with seats at a strip club. Offer to
buy her a lap dance.
To Find Your Love Or Lust
Preferences, Just Visit OneandOnly.com,
simply the finest love connection on the
internet
Mix 'n Match Copyright (c)
2001
OneandOnly.com
Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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